Is it really my fault? when I was young my father worked hard to get us some good things in life…though we lived in a small house in eastlands(whats considered the ghetto part of nairobi),we had a car, my siblings and i went to some of the best schools,we had good clothes on our backs.Many people considered our family rich but in actuality we were just average people living in a somewhat poor neighborhood.As a result I got hated on by my peers and others.They called me barbie( kenyans use this tern to describe you as a rich punk!…lol!) and often i ended up being descriminated.in school it was kinda the same i was a young “ghetto boy” in a school with the vice presidents son!!! so yes most of the kids there were really well off and they hated the fact that i was in the same school as them. so some used to tease me others wanted to know how my life is coz they thought pple from that side of town are thugz and its cool to be a thug! they thought I could get them cigarettes and such but in reality I wasnt on that shit then(im in now but thats another story).so there i was a youngn who dint belong on both worlds…was it really my fault?

Then dad died and there was no man in the house! thats when shit hit the fan! the income became limited as my mum had a civil servant job that paid  meagar wage and so our lifestyle went a little down(all the haters finally got their wish!) dad wasnt foolish though he had invested in real estate so my mum had no choice but to sell one of the two houses to keep us in good schools!

fast fwd and i enter high school,i went to another high level skull but now i decided not to let pple put me down…as an adolescent in boarding i learnt the hard way about sex,alcohol and drugz. thanx to my mothers raising i did not overinduldge coz at the end of the day i realised i was the man of my family and i couldnt depend on no one!(none of you bitches came home to see how we were leaving after my beloved father died,not even once!)so i had fun and tried getting good grades around the same time my mother and sister went to the states in search of greener pastures.

i was rapping on the side as i love music, its in my blood! since i went to good skulls i rapped in english and pple hated on me sayin that im a wanna be!!! muthafuckas make me understand why that is so bad!i mean english is one of our national languages but its not o.k for me to spit in it???so really tell me is it my fault that i can rap in good english? do ya’ll want me to rap in the latest sheng and spit about the same things that you pple do?

faster fwd! i went to the states for a year or so and then i got caught in the middle again! got my self in situations where i was called an oreo(black on the outside and white in the inside) by my own black folk!!! to them i shouldnt talk with an accent( coz im african) shouldnt get a job (coz im an immigrant) fuck it they thought i shouldnt fuck white bitches (coz im a sell out if i did)!!! other ignorant pple kept asking the usual dumb questions like what ship comes from africa to the states( pussies we got air ports and planes ),do we llive on trees?(ass holes we got beautiful houses made of stone unlike your cardboard box apartments) and how i learnt english(i think i answered that already!) so once again is it my fault that im african and learned?

but to survive there you need to talk like these pple, i mean i went to mc’ dees and once i wanted a take away(you know give me the food i go with it!) they couldnt understand and once i explaind it to them by sign language(so whos dumb here?) they said,”ohhh! you mean to go!”. they dont have paper bags they have plastic bags they dont have garbage they got trash! they dont say i dont have they say i aint got!! these are terms i had to learn fast and being the quick guy that i am i managed to get it right but once again my fellow kenyans started saying that he hangs  out with akatas(Black Americans) he is not proud to be kenyan and such bullshit! i mean am i to blame because i can adapt to my surroundings? should i just shrub(bet you will laugh @ me once again ) like yall and have trouble communicating and getting the best experiences while i lived?

Shit happenedand i had to go home to get a real career(not wiping old white pples butts! no more 5.50 bucks an hour ).I cant front i learned alot over there…so naturally i wasnt the same ol’ naive lil nigga as before.Dudes i was tite with i din’t see eye to eye with anymore! Wildin out ? I cant do that shit no more.I became a responsible cat and i couldnt deal with slackness.So since now i see more than blunts and beer,more than sluts and chillin out doin nunn( kukabaa) can you blame me? they say im a wanna be when i walk with a swagger they hate on me when i go to school and some hate on me for being in the same school that they are in!

 So really im I to blame?

No! but to all these people i do wrong things! fuck all yall for not allowing a person to grow ! yall dint like me then you dont like me now and shit yall will never love  me for who I will ever be. So just leave me alone.

Can you blame me for being me?


November 27, 2006 - Posted by | Rants And Flames


  1. Hi Die,
    Your story is so inspiring to me.and especially when i consider that we are of the same age…you have more experiences than i have had and some of them made me realise that some of the things I find overbearing about my life are really trivial or sometimes they are just there to make me a stronger person.
    Thanks so much for sharing your blog and part of you with me.

    Comment by Jo | December 20, 2006 | Reply

  2. Real talk playa i feel your hustle!

    Comment by jack | April 4, 2007 | Reply

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